这位新加坡女生的人生看法值得你的思考（英文原文）

Yet another wedding to attend, yet another babyshower. Yet another friend who has announced her engagement onInstagram. These are the things that millennials of my age arecurrently doing. And being a byproduct of the education system,suddenly, my life is thrown in disarray when I realize that I am nolonger a cookie in the cookie-cutter system. I am suddenly differentfrom my peers. And one does wonder, why is love so hard to find?

Is love something that selectively choosesindividuals? In school, our teachers often said that if we workedhard, we would not do too badly. Hard work would always get ussomewhere. My school motto, “Nil Sine Labore” translates to“nothing without labour” in English. But is love something thatwe can fight for or work hard for? Or does it come to you when thetime is right? These are questions that I grapple with. The Maslow’sHierarchy of Needs postulates that people are motivated by five basiccategories of needs, with the lowest level being physiological needssuch as air, water, food, shelter, sleep and clothing. Once theseneeds are fulfilled, emotional needs such as love, intimacy,friendship, and a sense of connection comes into the spotlight.Naturally, being in a comfortable place with nothing much to worryabout in terms of food and shelter makes one more inclined to thinkabout questions relating to love.

Two important questions I ask about love are,firstly, where do we go to find love in the age of COVID-19? Andsecondly, in a practical society like Singapore, has love beencommodified? The pandemic has largely changed our way of living. Thisis by no means a sweeping statement. Working from home hasdrastically changed the way we view work, and by extension our lives.Being confined to the four walls of our home, with travel plansshelved and nowhere to go, where else can we find love but online?Millennials have therefore turned to dating apps to connect. However,I wonder if love can ever blossom behind a phone screen. It is nevereasy to tell a person’s true intentions, let alone when they arehiding behind the façade of a screen. Hell, we don’t even know ifthey are who they say they are.

Secondly, an interesting question that I grappledwith, is whether love has been commodified in Singapore? In China,there is an unspoken cultural norm that the guy must have a house anda car before he is qualified to wed a lady. China is a traditionalConfucian society, and men are expected to provide for women. Havinga house and car is indicative of their ability to do so. Such acultural norm makes marriage seem like a market, where one choosesthe best partner based on practical indicators such as their networth or physical beauty. In Singapore, we have our own version ofthat as well. As there are restrictions to buying a house inSingapore, there are individuals who marry their partners with theintention of owning a BTO. In this day and age, it has become commonfor guys to propose by asking “Hey, do you want to BTO with me?Owning a house in certainly a rite of passage, and an indicator thatone is on the road to leading a life of “success” in Singapore.If one does not marry because of that certain spark an individualmakes you feel, but because of what a marriage certificate can offeryou, love does seem like something you can pull off the shelves ofthe supermarket.

But perhaps, such a concept of romance is a thingof the past. Like a famous Cantonese song that goes “it’s foolishto say forever in today’s world”, love is not as solid as we makeit out to be. Maybe, what one requires, is not so much that feelingof passion and impulse, which will fade with time, but rather a senseof continuity, compatibility. Perhaps what you want isn’t reallywhat you need.

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